Self-experience and external perception
During an Inclutrain training session, my task is to divide the salad, which has been mixed with dressing in a large bowl, into six small bowls. What could be simpler than that, I thought. What’s the big deal? No sooner said than done. I divide the salad into six bowls using salad servers. Given my phlegmatic nature, I do it purposefully and efficiently – or so I think, until… my colleague, looking on in amazement, describes what she noticed: a bit of salad here, then a bit there. It seems as though the five bowls furthest away are filled first, and only then the bowl closest to the large bowl. It’s not entirely clear. There’s no discernible system. In the end, however, there is the same amount in all the bowls. Based on observation, the impulse to act is described as: ‘sharing while exploring’.
What others describe, based on putting themselves in my shoes, I initially experience as a contradiction to my self-image: purposeful and efficient. However, I recognise the impulse to act. When people describe my impulse to act, ‘exploring’ is always part of it. Sometimes it is ‘naming while exploring’, other times ‘looking while exploring’, and so on. The purposefulness and efficiency that I experience myself are therefore apparently exploratory and not systematic.
A fallacy
The next day, the groups are reorganised. My group is tasked with cleaning onions for sale and storage. On one side of the onion, the dried-up stem remnants must be cut off, but not too far so that juice does not seep out of the onion. On the other side, the small roots must be pulled off with the fingers. Furthermore, all loose leaves must be plucked off. If an onion feels soft and is rotten, it should be sorted out. The same applies to onions that are too small.
I have been observing impulses to act for years and ‘know’ that when imitating a very simple activity such as walking, a characterisation of the impulse to act always comes to light. And although I ‘know’ this, I think: this task is too simple and offers too few points of reference to be able to discover my impulse to act. But to my great surprise, the person who has put themselves in my shoes mentions that they could not detect any system in the way I clean the onion. The same description as the day before. From the imitation, they identify the impulse to act: ‘overview while releasing’. Releasing, like a sailor releases a rope from hand to hand.
‘Smiling while confusing’
At a farewell party a few years earlier, the outgoing team leader had characterised my impulse to act as follows: ‘smiling while confusing’. On the one hand, he was making fun of me, but on the other, he had actually experienced me that way. I confused him whilst I smiled at him. So he imi-tated me; he aligned with me. He had taken on my impulse to act and was in harmony with me.
The profession
As I divided up the salad and peeled the onions, I had actually confused the people too. They were looking for a system, but there was none to be found for them. At the same time, these two people were able to put my impulse to act into precise words. When we reflected on this, it turned out that exploring means: being confused, not knowing in the moment, and yet experiencing from within, with empathy, what it is like. Laughing along means radiating: you can do it, just do it and you’ll discover that you can. It is inviting, encouraging.
And so I feel recognised, because that is also my impulse with my practice, ‘Exploring one’s own work’. My aim is to invite and encourage others to be exploratory in their work and in life. To do everything with a spirit of exploration. That is my profession: coach. But one who does not apply categories or systems, but is always searching and exploring together with others. In the end, it simply looks effortless.
